Saturday, April 16, 2011

It's a Shitty Life

When I was little, probably about 8 or 9, I started developing issues with my bowels. I've lived almost every day of my life in physical pain since then. It would hurt, so I wouldn't go, and I was embarrassed about it so I wouldn't tell anyone. This led to bigger problems, having accidents on an almost daily basis, being made fun of by my friends.. it was awful. My mother finally noticed a problem and of course thought I was doing it on purpose. This led to her making me drink laxatives and literally holding me down on the bathroom floor and giving me enemas on the regular. Well, that fixed me for the time being because I would much rather have had pain than have to endure the awful embarrassment of an enema. This was when I built up a tolerance for pain. I learned then that pain was an emotion and could be controlled. That's what I did..until I was 12. When I was 12, I started having deeper issues. I was in a new school, I was built like a 25 year old with a 36DD chest and the curvy body to match. The girls hated me. The boys loved me. Not having a father in my life since I was 4, I naturally enjoyed this very much, but it took a toll on me mentally. The stress induced horrible pain that even I couldn't control. I ended up in the hospital where they said I had a stomach ulcer. I had to start taking about 4 pills a day, all expensive of course, which caused me more worry because we didn't have a lot of money. The medicine helped, but the stomach, stress, and other symptomatic issues stayed with me throughout high school. I started working at a KFC when I was 16. Once I hit my shin on an oil filter machine. My shins, yes, both, not just the one I hit, swelled up so big the skin started to crack open. I couldn't walk for over 2 weeks. I couldn't wear pants over them without wearing loosely wrapped ace bandages around them. I went to a doctor and she said it was "something young girls get." Nice, huh? So I went to an emergency room. They said it might be Lupus. All tests came back negative. Another time when I was 17, I woke up one morning with canker sores in my mouth. Thousands of them. Not just in my mouth. From my lips clear down my throat and in my vagina. I lost 35 pounds in 2 weeks. I couldn't eat at all. I could only take small sips of water. I went to the emergency room. They said I had Herpes. All tests came back negative. I went to the Gynecologist to see if the problem was female. They said no. I went to a surgeon who did a colonoscopy. Nothing. All tests were negative. Finally, on October 24th, 1994 I woke up on the couch of our living room. That day is so clear to me, I knew it was the end. I was completely immobile. I couldn't move at all. My mom had her friend come to the house and help get me in the car to go to the hospital. The pain was ridiculous but I was so calm and so clear. I knew what was happening. I knew I was dying. How do you look your mother in the face and tell her it's your time? The emergency room said I had a female problem. They called in my Gynecologist. He wanted to do an emergency laparoscopy. I said goodbye to my mom and went to surgery. I woke up 4 days later in ICU with a tube in my nose pumping fluid out of my stomach and my colonoscopy surgeon telling me I have Crohn's Disease and my bowel had burst open inside of me which had abscessed my appendix, right ovary and tube. He said there was feces throughout my abdomen and by the time they removed that, 8 inches of my small intestine, and appendix there was no time for the ovary because sepsis was becoming an issue. He said I was very lucky. Lucky indeed. I'm smart enough to know there are people out there who are in worse condition than I am. I never feel sorry for myself because of this. I like to make light of it as much as possible. I can honestly say my life is shitty and mean it! And my doctors? They are the only one's who can honestly say they work with a bunch of assholes all day. I have stock options with Preparation H! I have a card for my car that says, "I'll move my car in a minute.. I have Crohn's Disease and I have to POOP!" Now that shits funny ;)


  1. Thanks for sharing. That's amazing. I'm so glad you're here to tell the story. :) I had a problem like this and luckily didn't have to go to hospital. I held it in for so long. It was a big problem but I was too embarrassed to tell anyone and lied to avoid any discussion about it. The toilet was an extremely uncomfortable place for me to be. I then realised that I could die early after I heard that my mum's friend had died of serious problems related to 'not going'.
    I think society is more open talking about sex than this.

  2. You are absolutely right.. it is amazing that sex is less taboo than our "bathroom issues" are. I mean, Everybody Poops, right? It also amazes me at how many women are afraid to be seen buying tampons! Ha! Thank you so much for your comment! I wish you good health and applaud you for taking your health seriously! Many people don't take the time to do so..xo

  3. My (not crazy) grandmother began her long, painful death passed out on the toilet, after her doctors told her to "just drink ginger ale." Now, every time I drink ginger ale, I think about her being wheeled away from her beloved Hummels, never to see them again, and I wonder what might have happened if she was diagnosed. Instead I just have all these fucking Hummels to look at.

  4. With each blog read, I think, your awesome. Of course, I knew a young teenage girl. Who experience something similar. It to took along time to diagnose, and her dad was a MD. She ended up with a colostomy for a while, which she named "Sam the Stoma". Like you said, it wasn't fun.

    Be well and happy.