Saturday, April 23, 2011

Drunken Daddy Dearest

My Father has been a drinker since I can remember. I remember being about 4 and going to the scene of an accident. My Mom had just bought a brand new white Sunbird. Back in the day, that was quite a car. He smashed it to pieces within 3 weeks. I'll never forget her trying to get her important papers out of it and telling me not to get too close because of the broken glass. They divorced shortly after that. I loved him then. I couldn't wait to see him. I would sit on the porch and wait. Sometimes he would come get me and take me to the bar. I spent all of my childhood sitting in the Moose Club, the VFW, and various others. I would get a pop, a bag of chips, and a roll of quarters to play pinball. We would spend the entire day there. If there was a band playing that night, he would make me get on the stage and sing Wild Irish Rose. I still remember what coke from a bar glass smells like. It's very distinct. There's an aroma of beer mixed with it that is unmistakable. One night after leaving the bar, we were on our way home. I was asleep in the back of his red Jeep. I woke up to him grabbing the fire extinguisher out of the back. I sat up and saw that someones car was on fire. He tried to help. The police came and of course he got belligerant and got arrested. Well, he told them he needed to drive me to his sisters house. They said no. Well, after punching a black cop and calling him a nigger, they allowed him to drive me up the hill to my Aunts house. ?? Can you believe that? Well, after we got to my Aunt's house he went to jail to sober up. That's it. No charges. He was always the luckiest fucker! I spent years sitting on the front porches of the various places we lived in waiting for him to come. It got to where he wouldn't come at all. I would sit on the porch until 10 o'clock sometimes, waiting. My Mom would have to drag me into the house bawling and screaming that he would come to get me, he's just late.. Once I got older, I started to see his issues more clearly. My Mom was awesome in that respect. She always allowed me to see him for what he was on my own. I never heard a bad word about him from her. When I was 21 I bought my first vehicle. A royal blue Chevy S10 Pickup.. right off the showroom floor. I was so excited. A few days after I bought it, I drove it to his house to show him. I knew as soon as I got there that something was different. It was only around 12, so I didn't figure he could be that wasted already, but apparently he was drinking whiskey that day. He asked if he could take my truck for a spin. I said No. He asked why. I said because you're drunk. He asked if I smoke in it. I said No. He said, Well, don't ever leave the windows down or the doors unlocked, because I'll throw a cigarette in it and burn it to the fucking ground. That was the last time I ever made an effort to be his daughter. I realized that day that the man had never done anything for me. He never paid child support. He never remembered Christmas or my birthday. The one time he did, I got a card that said Happy Birthday to a special Grand Daughter. Grand Daughter? When I was in the hospital my Mom asked him to buy me a robe. He brought me one of my dead Grandmothers robes to wear. He stayed for about 5 minutes then left. His luck did finally run out a few years ago and he got arrested for DUI. First offense, lucky bastard. He's wrecked 9 vehicles, at last count, due to drinking. His family protects him to this day and blames me for not having a relationship with him. Everclear sang it best.. "Father of mine, tell me how do you sleep? When you look back at your wasted life, and you don't see me? My Daddy gave me a name, then he walked away.. " Your loss Fucker.

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