Monday, April 18, 2011

The Sex Instructor

I was somewhat of a late bloomer. We moved a lot. I went to 13 schools by the time I was in 7th grade. Maybe that's why, maybe I just wasn't ready.. My body developed way before it's time, but my mind didn't. Then seemingly over night, it did. We changed schools one last time in the middle of 7th grade. Now I wish we had moved once more. I said before, that when I got to this school, I was completely developed, the girls hated me and the boys loved me. Well, I liked the boys too. The older, the better. I met a guy named Rob who lived not too far from me and was a senior. Rob was 18. I was 12. Rob and his friends and some of my friends would all hang out up the street from our crappy apartment and ride skateboards, talk, smoke.. the usual teenage thing. Rob decided that he liked me and made no secret of it to anyone including me. One night Rob and I are hanging out off to the side and he asks me if I've ever been kissed. Well, I said I had although I wasn't really experienced at it. I mean, I was 12 for cryin out loud! He tells me he wants to kiss me. I was over the moon. I was in love from that instant on. After a lot of kissing he tells me he wants to be my sex instructor. He tells me I need to learn to do it the right way to make him happy. I was in no condition to argue. I was completely head over heels for this guy who was so much older than me. I had visions of being the popular girl at school, we'd walk down the halls holding hands, we'd eat lunch together, he'd walk me home... So, the instruction began.. Over the next few weeks he taught me to kiss, he taught me how to give a hand job, he taught me how to give a blow job.. I was so uncomfortable. I liked him so much. I was going to do everything in my power to get to the part where we would announce to the school that we were in a relationship.. Then one day he called me. I'll never forget that day. It was drizzling outside. Dreary. He called me and wanted me to meet him in the woods near his house. I said that I would. Before he hung up the phone he said "I Love You" and my heart practically jumped out of my chest. I was fucking elated. I was stunned. I didn't know what to say. He hung up before I had the chance to respond. I rushed out the door to go meet him. I got to the woods and I heard him say my name. I went to him and he laid his trench coat down on the ground. I laid on it. I had no idea what was about to happen to me. He laid beside me and started to kiss me. Then his hand went down my pants. I tried to stop him and he wouldn't. I pushed him back and looked in his eyes. I said "I Love You Too". His reply was, oh, that.. force of habit. I'm just used to saying that to my girlfriend before we hang up the phone. I was in complete shock. I started to get up and he said where are you going? You didn't pass your test yet. He pushed me down and forced my pants down.. I struggled with him I said "NO" what seemed like a hundred times. There was no one to hear me, no one to help. I passed my test that night. The next day when I went to school, everyone knew. He told everyone. Soon word had gotten around that he fucked me on a trench coat. I spent the rest of the school year and the following summer being called "Trench". I was so fucking humiliated. I went to my friends house a few days after that incident. I left my purse at home. My Mom looked into my purse to get my friends phone number and found a note to Rob asking how he could do that to me in horrid detail. When I got home that night my Mom confronted me. I lied. I said that it wasn't the Rob she thought it was and that I said yes. I said it was a kid in my grade. I've still never told her, but I think she always knew it was him. When I was 19 and almost died in the hospital (see It's A Shitty Life) I had a young nurse. She was so sweet and so pretty. I caught sight of her name badge and saw her last name. I asked her if she was married. She said she was. I asked to whom, and she said Rob's name. I made up my mind then and there that I would never protect him again. I told her to pull up a seat because I had something to tell her and she was going to sit and listen to me. I told her to read my medical file and see what had happened to me. I made her do this to see what I had just gone through so that she would understand that I have no reason to lie. It worked. She sat and listened to all I had to endure because of her husband. She filed divorce papers before I was even released from the hospital. He took something from me. I took something from him. We'll never be even..but I'm happier knowing that I got to him. I saw him on FB recently. I hear he has a girlfriend.... I can't wait to meet her :)